Are you the central character in your own life?
Or do you feel like a supporting character in the lives of others?
First: lease join us later today, or any Thursday at 3 pm PT / 6 pm ET for the Prompt of the Week on Zoom. There’s no need to register, just click here. You can always find the Zoom link in the footer at imaginativestorm.com.
This week's Prompt is a video. I won't tell you what it is and spoil the surprise for tomorrow—it’s pretty amusing, or at least I think so. On Saturday, it sparked an interesting after-chat about performance.
When have you had a feeling of deserved satisfaction after some kind of performance, Navé asked the group. A time when you felt you did really well and earned the accolades you received. People who don't think of themselves as performers recalled moments when they'd organized charity events, given speeches, completed projects and took them public. Without exception, they described anxiety, if not terror, before the event—which contributed to the feeling of accomplishment when success was achieved.
These projects were challenges which the person's skills were adequate to meet: perfect examples of flow, as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi defines it in his book FLOW. Flow is, he says, an essential component of happiness.
Our conversation revealed a further value to these moments of performance by non-performers: the value of putting yourself center stage. Many of us are brought up not to show off, not to demand attention, not to put ourselves front and center. And it's true, nobody likes a show-off or an attention hog. But (with my dialectical style of thought, there's always a but) that doesn't mean the limelight should always go elsewhere.
One of the lessons, for me, of writing my memoir Love Child was that finally I'd become the central character in my own life, rather than the supporting character in the lives of other, more talented, more famous, more beautiful, more powerful people. You too! You are the central character in your life story. You are allowed to prioritize your own fulfillment during your time on this earth—and if you're to be happy, you must. This isn't to say you shouldn't serve others, just to say the service you choose must be fulfilling to you.
On our Prompt of the Week calls, we all take center stage, in turn, when we read what we wrote aloud. It's an incredibly valuable practice for lots of writing reasons, and also for this supra-writing reason: that it offers each person a well-earned turn in the limelight. You get a sense of satisfaction that's deeper and more meaningful than ego gratification. You're recognized for the risk you took, the challenge you met. Your individuality is seen and appreciated.
This may be rare in many people's lives, especially those of us who have habitually put ourselves second. For many women, the only time they've been the most important person in the room is on their wedding day.
One woman on the Saturday call said she felt inspired to do more performance—maybe at an open mic, or by organizing a salon-type event at which everyone offers a performance to the group. These instances of performance, no matter how small, help you psychologically to claim your central position in your own life. They train you to gracefully accept deserved attention and earned praise. They teach you courage to be yourself.
Very valuable post! Moi, the central character? And yet! The only life you can claim is your own!